I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard patients worried about their weight loss because somebody told them they look “sick” or “unhealthy”. These concerns can act as real saboteurs – people are afraid to lose the weight they need to because they don’t want to look like they just stepped off the floor of a cancer hospital.
But before you take these comments to heart, I want you to consider a few things first.
Remember that people who know you are used to seeing your face a certain way. They’ve spent years gazing on full cheeks and a round profile. As you lose weight, you’re not going to look like that anymore. If they met you for the first time after you had lost weight, they would think you looked perfectly normal and fine. But since their mental picture of you is with a different amount of fullness to your face, they’re just as inclined to think that it makes you look sick as that it makes you look good. Not because you do look sick, but because you no longer fit their preconceived portrait of what you should look like (to them).
That’s the most benign explanation. But of course, there are more insidious reasons that people may want you to feel badly about the weight you’ve lost. Some may be jealous of the weight you’ve lost (wishing it were them), some may be jealous of the person you’ve become and of the people who now admire your figure. Friends, spouses, siblings all may get jealous that you’re the cute new thing on the block while they’re still just themselves. Some people will react to those feelings by putting you down to pump themselves up and make themselves feel better.
It’s this last group I most want you to look out for and avoid reacting to them whenever possible. Their goals are not in your best interest, and if you let them sabotage your confidence, you’ll never know what you might have achieved. You look in the mirror – if you like what you see, then don’t worry about the people who try to bring you down. Trust me, we’ll tell you here in the doctors’ office if we think you’ve lost too much weight (and of course threaten to sit on you and unfill the band a bit, if needed). Let your own inner voice be your guide, not the misguided or malicious (even if unintended) voices of others.
9. February 2010 at 9:48 pm
I really enjoyed this post. I was banded on December 10th tommorrow will be my 2 month band anniversary. Although I am far from the “anorexic” comments, I enjoy the comments regarding my weight loss….especially from the people who are not aware that I had the surgery. I am scheduled for my second fill this week and thus far, I have not had any sickness. Praise God!
9. February 2010 at 10:24 pm
The timing of your post is great. Just this morning my husband told me I looked anorexic. I think it’s because the weightloss (70 lbs) is finally showing up in my face. I had my 1 year bandiversary on the 4th of Feb. It’s been a great year. I would do it again tomorrow. In my hubby’s defence he has been super supportive through the whole experience. I look forward to a 2nd year with band even better results.
11. February 2010 at 12:14 am
Remember that the reason we place the Lap Band in the first place is to preserve or improve your health. Don’t allow others to focus on your “looks.”
9. March 2010 at 12:00 pm
I have had my lapband for 3 weeks tomorrow 3-10-10 so for no weight loss I am wanting to lose enough weight so I can get off my insulin when I was younger I had lost weight and a friend of mine ask me if I just got out of the hospital so I know people will say things I don’t think people mean to say things to hurt you they just don’t think before they speak.As long as I get to be healther I don’t care what they say.Everyone that I’m around is very supportive of me so I’m ready for the weight to come off.
19. April 2010 at 8:29 pm
“anorexic…” “Fat.” Both are hurtful comments on either extreme. I only had my lap band put in about four weeks ago but already the women at work come at me with “you are looking SKINNY!” That’s not my goal. Its puzzling to them, to say the least, when my response is “Thank you, but you’ve missed the point entirely.”
19. April 2010 at 8:31 pm
That’s why we chose the name “NoScales” for our website.
It is not about a number on a scale or how you look.
I agree entirely.
Thanks for the comments!
20. June 2010 at 9:41 pm
I know how everyone feels. Everyone I know always comments on how great I look. I appreciate the comments, but I always say thanks, and I FEEL great too! That’s when they get curious as to why I’m losing the weight. From the very beginning for me, I wanted to be healthy and fit for my sons, and family. So they werent always worried that something might happen, ie: blood pressure or diabetes. Which is the way I was headed along with the PCOS. So I always let people know that the looking good part is just a perk, the real reason I had this done and am still with it is because I FEEL better, and healthy and my boys have a healthy mother to look up to.